I know this is a very sensitiveness topic and I certainly want to be loving and careful with my words here. There are a million thoughts, fears and frustrations that I relive as writing this.
- My heart breaks for all women who want to have a little one and have not been able to yet or who are not able to at all. I pray for you so very often.
- I don’t take for granted my ability to get pregnant and to have been able to have one baby already. I think all mom’s would say the same. Every child is a gift and should NEVER be taken for granted!
- Losing any baby no matter how far along is hard. Even knowing that it is a natural isn’t helpful and makes it no less TERRIBLE! I have known friends who have lost children at every week and even after birth. My heart aches with and for them.
- To the many women I know who have lost babies farther into pregnancy and even after birth I hurt for you daily! You have walked through more hardship than I can begin to imagine and I am sorry. I pray for healing, peace and overwhelming love for each of you.
- The only thing I really do know in this life is that the Lord is in control even when it feels like the opposite.
Let me begin by saying thank you to all of your kind words. We chose to keep it quiet as long as we did because of fears but have been overwhelmed by your support.
Most of you know our first son Eli’s birth was less than ideal and nothing short of a miracle. You can read the whole story here but the short version is that I had an emergency c-section due to Eclampsia after Aaron came home and found me having seizures at 28 weeks. Eli was in the hospital for 67 days and I coded twice during the day of delivery. Needless to say Aaron was not excited about having another baby since our experience with Eli was so scary.
However in January of 2013 he decided that Eli needed siblings and even though he wasn’t sure he would ever be ready to go through anything that scary again he didn’t want to deprive Eli or myself because of his fears. For those of you who know me even a little bit you know that I am a talker. For the two years that Aaron needed to process wanting more kids the Lord gave me EXTREME grace. I was more patient that I even knew possible. I never pushed him and just waited knowing that I wanted more kids but not wanting to rush Aaron into anything.
After Aaron decided it was a go we got pregnant quickly, very similar to our experience with Eli. We were very excited to say the least. It was perfect timing as well because Aaron’s parents were coming to town which meant we could tell them in person. Aaron bought Eli a big bro shirt and we had him come out wearing it. Very fun! Gloria was able to take a few shots which is nice even now for memory sake.
They were here for over a week and a half and on their last day I had scheduled a dr. appointment because I thought I was miscarrying. The bottom line is that we did actually lose the baby. I was around 7 weeks pregnant and miscarried naturally and on my own with no D & C. We continued to test positive for pregnancy several months later because my levels just weren’t back down to where they should be. Initially that was hard for me because I wasn’t ever sure of myself. Was or was I not pregnant. Not a fun time. The anticipation and fear those few months were tough.
I am generally a very positive person and again that Lord was faithful. There were tears and lots of prayers but ultimately I was able to trust that the Lord knew what He was doing. After the miscarriage we had to wait several months, per the Doc’s recommendation, before we tried to get pregnant again. Now again, I know several if not all of you will think I am crazy when you read this next part but oh well. This is me and I am just being honest. After our window to try again opened back up we were then in a time where being pregnant would then conflict with my biggest event of the year for work. So…I opted to wait longer! I know that seems crazy but I really love planning and coordinating events and I didn’t want to miss our yearly conference. Judge if you want but it works for me and more importantly for Aaron and myself.
Fast forward to now. We got pregnant in December and we are due in on September 7th! Again because of Eli’s birth I will opt for a scheduled c-section and Aaron is hoping it will work out to deliver on Labor day since that is his dad’s birthday. So we shall see what the Lord ultimately has planned! I will keep you updated and let you know as things progress. Because we waited so long to tell people it seems a little like we are in hyper drive now. We find out next week on April fools day if we are having a boy or a girl and we are still deciding if we will do a gender reveal party or just find out from the Dr. on our own.
What do you think we should do? Did you have a gender reveal? I am a super emotional person so I am worried I would fall on the floor crying if I found out with others in the room but I also think it would be so much fun to celebrate and be surprised with everyone. Again, thoughts?